This was supposed to be a blog entry about my pet language peeves. The things that really get my goat when English is used incorrectly, daftly or with way too much abandon.

But no. Instead I’m going to rant about two words often used to describe what the copy, and by extension the concept, should be – sexy and edgy.

I physically shudder. They notice, too.

It all starts with “I think you’re getting the point across, but it’s missing something. It needs to be sexier.”

This makes me reply with “So you want sexually suggestive double entendres then? No? More like 50 Shades then? Too explicit?”

Then they double down, without improving their request: “Just sex it up. It’ll be much better when you’ve made it sexier.”

Oh, will it now. We both know that’s not possible – so please don’t put us both through all this. Sexy seems to be your go-to adjective, but do you really want people to be aroused by this? Come on.

That said, the feature list of your high-speed taper shank spiral flute reamer and the description of your straight flange pump connector are getting me hot under the collar – and I haven’t even proofread them yet.

Then they take a different tack: “Well, how about making it all a bit… ‘edgy’? You know, a bit ‘out there’?”

I retort with something along the lines of “What do you mean by ‘edgy’? Different? Daring? Controversial?”

It becomes clear they’re not nearly as brave as I thought they were being when the response is “You know, a tiny bit of edge. Not really even a tiny bit to be honest, just make people think it’s edgy.”

Your vertical mechanical comparator and hemi unibal spherical rod end already have more edge than I could ever give them.

Eject.

*Thanks to the late Harold Pinter for the deviously suggestible mechanical terminology.